October 2007

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Oct. 5th, 2007

(no subject)

mood: crappy

So after I made that bitchy ass post last night my mom came running into my room and told me that she has to take my brothers girlfriend Leah to the emergency room because she's having abdomen pain. So I'm like oh fuck I hope to god it's not her appendix! But after a few hours they found out that she was having a miscarriage! :( so they sent her home and she's supposed to have it within the next 24 hours. My brother was so scared; we talked outside for such a long time. We've never really talked before; about life. what's going on in our heads. I hope as years go by we get closer..

So, my neice Madison stayed the night @ my house last night so that Leah and my brother could have some alone time and just incase Leah did have her miscarriage that would be horrible for Madison to be around for that plus Leah will be exhausted. I was up til 4:45 writing my speech about human cloning and finally went to sleep. at 7 am madison wakes up! wtf! so I got like no sleep lol. I gave her a bath, made her breakfast, played games with her, took her to chicfila, and tried to do homework between all that. Which wasn't successful. URG. But, .. I have to be here for my family when they need me. They are number1.  I called off work and everything so I could take care of Madison. 

Brian and I. back and fourth. talking not talking. kissing no touching. 
he's all I want and i'm gettin' it back minus the relationship. thankgod.

and there's a secret I can't ever tell anybody but it's eating me up inside.

Posted at 04:19 pm | | Leave me a comment | 2 comments | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

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Aug. 2nd, 2007

You know this is about you, don't you?

mood: exhausted
Dear boy,
I'm sorry if none of this makes sence. But I'm writing it all from my heart. Perhaps it's the last time I will ever mention your name or write anything for you again. That you will be able to actually read. I looked through old livejournal entires, like the ones from December and a few months ago. I want to thank you for making me so happy then. I tend to forget all the amazing memories that I made with you. I haven't been able to delete old pictures from my photobucket yet, or old comments. I just kind of avoid it all together. I deleted your number out of my phone-- after I called your house phone and heard that girls voice on the other line. The little piece of my heart that was left; broke that night. I hope you know. It's been a month and some days and I can't believe it. It was so hard in the beginning but then every day seems to get easier. I think of you less and less and cry less and less also. I think of you randomly though. Like when I go to walmart, or go to the beach. Little things remind of you. It sounds so stupid but, every time it would be 11:11 I would wish for you. I would wish so hard for you to call. Every time my door bell would ring, i'd get this hope in the pit of my stomach that it would be you. I'm so sorry I went crazy on you. I just cared so much about you and didn't want you out of my life. I was a bird that needed to be set free, but when I came back you weren't there. I needed you there, I thought. But after thinking all this time. I know I don't need anybody. I'm sure you have moved on by now and met someone far more amazing than I could ever be. I hope you met someone else that you could call the most beautiful girl in the world. As much as it kills me to think that; I hope you get what you really deserve in a relationship and I'm sorry I couldn't give you my everything. I think I have changed alot in this month. and realized the things I really need to change about myself. I thank you for making me a better person, and for the amazing feeling I got in my stomach every time you would kiss me. You truely made me feel amazing. & I don't know when the day will come when I can say I don't love you anymore. Because I don't know if that day, will, ever come. Only time will tell. But I'm doing pretty damn good right now. & like I said, I hope you are too. I never imagined going a day without you yet alone a month. We can do this. We can be strong. Whenever you have the urge to call me, just do it. No matter what day-time-month. Do it. Don't hold back. Follow your heart.

Posted at 12:32 am | | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Oct. 24th, 2006

Helllooo.

mood: drained
Real friends only.
Thanks.

Posted at 02:32 pm | | Leave me a comment | 12 comments | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend